E-mails to Replace Text Messages

Dear Friends and Family,

This e-mail is to inform you of an unfortunate circumstance; namely, my recent cell phone bill. It seems I have far exceeded my monthly text allotment of 200, and will now have to pay a painful overage fee. If you are receiving this message, it is probably because my inability to stop texting you has helped contribute to this sad state of affairs, and you will now be asked to contribute to my Bill Relief Fund out of your own pocket. Oh wait. That only works for Wall Street and the Government. Ok, well I guess I'll pay for my mistakes myself.
Actually, I'm hoping each of you, when you need to ask a brief question you would normally text, will e-mail instead when possible. E-mail, you see, is free, and always up when I am at work, making it a significantly more affordable communication method than paying an additional $15/month for unlimited texts. You can thank Dave Ramsey for the inconveniance--he's putting me on the envelope system and apparently saving $15 today will help me live like no one else tomorrow.

Kindest Regards,
Sarah