Feeling Better

I'm reading "The Enchantress of Florence."

I read a short story by Rushdie once several years ago for class, and I liked it. He's an Indian author who lives in the muddled confusion that involves every culture influenced by globalization. Only he doesn't write about it head-on. He writes about its roots (in my current novel), or he just writes a really great story that involves a humanistic philosophy (what other philosopher would ponder 'the first person singular--the "I"'?) set upside down by the uncivilized world's march toward progress. At least, I hope it's a really great story. This one seems to be.

One very non-humanistic, very Christian idea (or is it?? Would Rushdie's main character learn a Christian lesson before Christ was born? Is it, instead, some Hindi religous idea that also just happens to be a Christian concept?) which I love: "The lessening from which growing could begin." Sounds to me like this: "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."

Current Status: Watching Benjamin Button

I've been feeling crummy all week...finally, Saturday morning, my head hurt so bad I went to the doctor. Turns out I have strep throat and a migraine that might or might not be a migraine and might or might not be related to the strep throat! Two prescriptions, lots of juice and water, and three slices of pizza (the medicine calmed my nausea so I could finally eat a full meal) later, I am happily ensconced in blankets on the couch, watching movies and drifting off whenever I feel like it. It is wonderful to have a legitimate reason to feel crummy :).
Funny, though, how I still have problems sitting still. Even when I have strep and a really bad headache.

Melt

I have excessive amounts of pride. Sometimes it seems to ooze out of my pores, there's so much of it. The thought occured to me yesterday, in a fit of choking frustration, that the tremendous lengths Jesus went to to win our freedom were neccesary, or my heart would never be softened.
It is the heart of Jesus that wept for Jerusalem, spent hours in the heat, in the sun, in the rain, on the dusty paths, just so He could gather His flock, teach His children (and His betrayers), long to reach the lost because we were worth it.
It is the gashes carved out of his back by Roman floggers, the gentle hands that used to hold a universe together and touch and heal a lepers skin, now torn sinew from sinew by blunt nails and a heavy cross because it was worth it.
It is the King who achieved His victory, who is simultaneously not ashamed to call me "brother" even in the face of the honest frankness that I am not worth anything alone, but worth everything in Him.
He melts my prideful, frozen heart and reminds me, "Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains [just one grain; it never becomes more but lives] by itself alone. But if it dies, it produces many others and yields a rich harvest."

Worth It

He's the remedy. (David Crowder)

It will be worth it. (Rita Springer)

Peter: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.

-1 Peter 1

Focus on the humility that led to my freedom.

Focus on the holiness that creates and holds together a supremely majestic universe.

Focus on the love that plans my steps. Footstep by footstep.

He has written His faithfulness and His trustworthiness on my heart for times such as these.

He is the remedy.

It is worth it.

the 46 stages of Twitter

or, round two in my epic Sarah vs. Twitter battle. So far, Twitter 1, Sarah 0.

THE 46 STAGES OF TWITTER

Little did he know...

Genius:

Genius for:
Harold: Ten seconds ago you didn't want to help.
Dr. Hilbert: It's been a very revealing ten seconds.

and

a subtle, highly ironic-but-ironic-with-tongue-in-cheek irony plot

and

lots of scenes filmed in the rain. Bravo.

New profile pic, courtesy of Spiegel.

In other news, a Turkish Reality TV Show Aims to Convert Non-Believers. A transsexual, imams, the Vatican, and blondes. Great story.

Thoughts

Hmmm...it's been a while!

Thought:

I love reading. I just finished Moscow Rules, a spy novel set partially in Putin's Russia. In addition to a love of books, I also have a profound and distinct love of Russia; thus, this story was a superb reason to stay up way too late on a Sunday night.

I am currently a few chapters or so into The Time Traveler's Wife. Let me tell you, it's gonna be a good one. There is an achingly lovely feeling of being lost in sunlit meadows and twinkling midnight stars that comes over me when I open it. Also, its main character is a librarian. Does anyone else get excited when the word "library" pops up on a page? I swear, I get little thrills of excitement up and down my spine. Hallelujah.

Thought:

Reading turns my brain into the "on" position. I think when I am reading. I am capable of forming complex sentences when I am reading. Even marginally intelligent books get my creative juices flowing. I feel like dancing and shouting "yay! I'm alive!"

Thought:

This is a good day. I got the weekend off, and will only have to work three days of next week.

Oh yeah.

Another One Bites the Dust...

Ok, here's the dealy-o. I can't figure out technology. I can't; it's no use. The faster and fancier computers and keyboards and cell phones and PDAs and all other things technological become, the faster my brain grands to a painful halt. It should come as no surprise, then, for you to realize...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TWITTER IS. I mean, I've seen people's twitter updates popping up in my e-mail news updates. Friends talk about it on facebook. Good grief, even Max Lucado twitters. But, me? Eh...not so much.

Until today.

Today I'm determined to figure out this twitt thing. Cue Beauty and the Beast music and Be My Guest:

3:16pm @ work, reading a Boundless article and noticed a link to follow Boundless on twitter. Impusively clicked, taking the plunge into twitterocity/technoligical madness.

3:18 um...the help link on twitter isn't helping. Am I getting phone updates? On my browser? Via texts? Via e-mail? Help?

3:19 bathroom break. Always helpful.

3:23 began blog post.

3:24 hold that thought...resident stopped by to talk about work order problem...

3:35 ok we're back. Wait. The carpet guy is here. Geez, do people think I'm at work or what?

3:50 google "twitter" and get a wikipedia entry. Still doesn't answer my question; how do I get my updates?

3:57 EUREKA! "You can receive tweets by visiting the Twitter website, IM, SMS, RSS, email or via a third-party application." So...now...how do I choose?

3:59 check e-mail. Realize I have a message from Twitter, sent at 3:10. Hmmm. It seems my timemap has now lost all accuracy and, perhaps, relevancy, as the e-mail also explains how I can receive twitters--er--tweets on my phone.

4:13 standing a little taller, knowing I have faced, fought, and defeated my twittering giant. Tweet on, Max Lucado, NASA, and Taylor Swift. Tweet on.

Five Things to Be Happy About on Friday

1. Leases! I've sold several apartments this week at work, and I'm excited. I am NOT the natural born salesman (woman), so when I have any success at all I get little thrills of happiness.
2. Books! I bought "How to Master the Art of Selling" last night. (see #1)
3. Best friends and the beach! That's right--we're going MONDAY. Hell-O Monday Funday!

4. A really, really, REALLY good night's sleep. *Sigh.* It's about time.
5. Friends. Good friends. The kind you live with. The kind you pratically live with. The kind you fight with because you live with them. The kind who pull you up when you fall, ignore you when you're grouchy, and comfort you when you're sad. The kind who you can be yourself around, even when you'd like to box yourself up and ship you to Timbuktu.*



*Which, by the way, is in Mali. Did you know that? Me neither...

Day Three

I didn't start this morning off with Jesus; I started it off with orange juice and a shower. A nice way to start a morning...but not quite. After an errand, I ended up back home for a few minutes before running to work, and my eyes fell on my open Bible:

But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“ Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I gave Egypt for your ransom,
Ethiopia and Seba in your place.
Since you were precious in My sight,
You have been honored,
And I have loved you;
Therefore I will give men for you,
And people for your life.
-Isaiah 43:1-4

How much better would my brief few hours have been this morning, had I started with this? How much happier would my heart be, if I had secured and anchored myself in this? This love that honors me, considers me a precious possession, gives men for my life. Today is my third day of 100 Days with Psalm 119, and the first few verses of that psalm have straight-up poured conviction over my life. It is so good, then, after dwelling on the blessed life of the blameless, to be reminded that my life is blessed, also--not because I have been blameless, but because my Savior's blood makes me blameless. I was bought with a price. That truth holds me secure through every fire and flood imaginable. It is peace.

Cool New Thoughts

Elisabeth Adams lives and writes in Jerusalem. I've scoured her website, desperate to figure out how she got there, because seriously how cool is that? I mean, if it means being able to come up with cool descriptions like this:

She leaves the high, fertile tableland of Moab, and winds down craggy slopes towards the heavy, hot atmosphere of the Rift Valley. She fords the slimy, mineral-rich waters of the Dead Sea at its narrowest point, and turning north, climbs into the Judean hill country, encountering cool, clear air, terraced hills, and tiny villages. She reaches Bethlehem just in time for the barley harvest. This time of year, as a matter of fact. Tawny grain fields are dotted with indigo-blue globe thistles, and the early summer sun beats down on the reapers.

sign me up!

The above quote comes from an article Adams wrote for Boundless about Ruth. I've always loved the story of Esther--but Adams has made me look at Ruth in a new, exciting way. Did you realize Boaz's mother was Rahab? A prostitute who became an Isrealite! I knew, but it never dawned on me; in the midst of people despising and looking down at Ruth, of course it was the grandson of a prostitute who could see beyond his cultural confines to love a Moabite. Can't you just hear his parents and grandparents telling him about the refuge-providing wings of the LORD, just like he told Ruth: "May you be richly rewarded by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." (Ruth 2:11).

2 Samuel 14:14
Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him.

100 Days with Psalm 119

I woke up this morning with a little dark thundercloud hovering over my head. Thankfully, the sky outside is full of white (not black) clouds, and the sun is pouring in through every window in the office. The clouds sailing above and the sun warming me on my walk to lunch placate my heart. Bad days come and go, but eternity remains alive in my heart. The natural world is God's way of giving us perspective.

Day One
On a happier note, I am starting something I've always wanted to do: 100 days with Psalm 119. I've read the psalm through at some point before, and have underlined, highlighted, and generally just marked the heck out of the first twenty verses or so. I've always wanted to get to know it on a deeper level, though, to really walk with and apply it on a daily basis. I anticipate being surprised by new revelations on familiar and not-so familiar passages, but ultimately I want to be polished and honed for the time I've spent digging deep, instead of wide.

There are 176 verses and 22 "sections" (letters of the Hebrew alphabet??). I don't have a plan yet, but I'll let you know when I come up with one. In the meantime, here's my prayer for these next 100 days:

"May my cry come before you, O LORD; give me understanding according to your word."

-Psalm 119:169

..."for these times that try the soul."*

"My times are in your hands..."

Psalm 31:15

The Southwell Litany for the Personal Life contains this prayer:

From moral weakness of spirit; from timidity; from hesitation; from fear of men and dread of responsibility, strengthen us with courage to speak the truth in love and self-control; and alike from the weakness of hasty violence and weakness of moral cowardice,

Save us and help us, we humbly beseech Thee, O Lord.

From weakness of judgment; from the indecision that can make no choice; from the irresolution that carries no choice into act; and from losing opportunities to serve Thee, Save us and help us, we humbly beseech Thee, O Lord.

I don't normally consider myself an insecure person, but change always brings out another side of me. It's times like these that I love the above verses and prayers. I think they were written especially for insecure people like me :).

(*that's an Anne quote ...seems I'm not the only one sitting at a train station, waiting to be picked up :)

Excitement...

I never (EVER) like making decisions, and I never like things being “up in the air.” I either want to be, or not be. I don’t want to kind of be, and I do not like shades of grey. However, as I stand in the face of Truth, and read on my own heart the lessons of Christ’s faithfulness and trustworthiness that have been indelibly inscribed there, I realize I have a real choice to make.

When you face GOD, the living GOD, you must trust. When you face the reality of His faithfulness, you must obey.

I can choose to look away, keep my sights dead set on my own frustrations and who I think I am and who I think I am not—OR, I can choose joy and breathless excitement even on unsettled waters, knowing the same Creator who designed this

designs my future.

Mark, Jesus apostle, wrote, "He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.” (Mark 4:39)

Incredible…Is it any wonder the disciples were willing to die for Jesus? Never had they seen such power; never had they seen such glory. It was like, well, like the whole universe was his kingdom.
It’s only right that they declare his authority. It’s only right that we do the same. And when we do, we state without question: The ruler of the universe rules our hearts.
From
For These Tough Times:
Reaching Toward Heaven for Hope and Healing
© (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2006) Max Lucado

Weather to Travel?

Weather--particularly cold weather or rainy weather--transports my thoughts to another place. Wearing heavy jackets and wrapping scarves 'round my neck in cold, crisp weather sends me to the Red Square in Moscow, and humidity so heavy the very sidewalks seem to be melting and shimmering in the air before your eyes takes me to Houston.

Today is overcast and rainy, full of the kind of cool rain I’d imagine Portland or Seattle get in June. The pavement is slick. There’s been just enough rain to wash sediment and gravel-like dust over the parking lot and my tires make a soft crunch as I drive. As the thunderclouds gust vaguely overhead, the wind brings reminders of north-eastern Germany in July. Damp, cool raindrops mingle with sunshine and filter through tree leaves onto paved black roads and cobblestone sidewalks and European roofs. I spent one summer in Germany studying business, and one of our classrooms at the small international school I attended was three flights above the ground. We would wrap ourselves in light, gauzy sweaters and sit at shiny modern desks by open windows, listening to the rain drum gently, let up, and drum again. It whispered back and forth with distant peals of thunder while our professors droned on and on and I made multi-colored notes on notebook paper faintly lined in blue and wrinkled and softened by the humidity.
In the absence of a plane ticket, it's lovely to have sweet spring weather to help me transcend the limits of my bank account. Still, I'd rather be in Europe.

Summer Bucket List

In honor of the beautiful weather we've been having lately, I decided to post my very own Bucket List--my list of things to do before summer kicks the bucket.

Here it is:

1. Chase wildflowers
2. Visit the beach
3. Float down the river
4. Can something (strawberries!)
5. Eat one of the South’s fabulous peaches, and let its juices run down my chin and arms
6. Go skydiving
7. Plant a (balcony) garden
8. Write a book
9. Design a website
10. Learn a foreign language (Spanish)
11. Road trip! Florida? Tennessee? The Grand Canyon? Europe!
12. Stand on top of a mountain (big or small)
13. Make my bedroom/bathroom an Oasis
14. Go camping (can be combined with #2)
15. Read a Russian novel (in English)
16. Find, buy, and use a Polaroid camera

Happy Almost-Summer!

oh yeah, and i got an early start on my list...here's last summer's trip to the grand canyon!

Top Five Things on Sarah's Mind

(click on the photos to follow the links)

1.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk Cookies

2.

Awesome new blog!

Here's a sampling of her photos:

BEE-U-TEE-FUL! I just wish she sold them in bigger prints...

3.

I love looking up when I stand under a tree

4.

This is a neat idea I'll try myself; I already have the canvas, and I'll use paint and scraps of material and magazine cut-outs to say something special to me

5.

Another cool site~so many cool people in this world!

How do Jamaicans say "YUM"?

I dunno, but this recipe looks amazing...

Jamaican Veggie Patties

Sounds yuppy and tofu-ish, but Thursday night is definitely going to be Jamaica night at the apartment. Sidenote: I want to be Heidi Swanson when I grow up.

Speaking of Jamaica...I've been watching Season Three of The Office :). Favorite quote EVER:

Michael: (talking about Andy) He's up in my bid-ness, which is ebonics for "being in my face and annoying the bajeezes out of me." I don't understand how someone could have so little self awareness.

Cilantro Parmesan Brussel Sprouts

~15 Brussel Sprouts (a very large handful)
2T Parmesan Cheese (grated)
4 T Butter
Small handful Cilantro, barely chopped
1Tsp Salt

1. Cook brussel sprouts by placing them in boiling water for 3-5minutes, or until tender.
2. Remove brussel sprouts from boiling water, and slice in half.
3. Combine still hot brussel sprouts with parmesan cheese, butter, cilantro, and salt so that the butter melts and the toppings combine.
4. Serve hot and enjoy!

Pop Quiz: How do You Get Rid of Guilt?

A) Do so much good it covers up the bad
B) Deny the existence of right and wrong
C) Nail your guilt to a cross with God

or

D) Get rid of God

If you're a NoToPope coalition member in Australia, you might choose D.

Free Things to Do in SA

One day, I'm going to create a website that tells people about all the free and fun things to do in San Antonio. Maybe I'll have a scavenger-hunt kind of project or running competition available for people to find and post weird, noteworthy, beautiful, or interesting things they've found across this city. Here's my first post for the website--this mural thing, on a building across from the San Antonio Museum of Art.

E-mails to Replace Text Messages

Dear Friends and Family,

This e-mail is to inform you of an unfortunate circumstance; namely, my recent cell phone bill. It seems I have far exceeded my monthly text allotment of 200, and will now have to pay a painful overage fee. If you are receiving this message, it is probably because my inability to stop texting you has helped contribute to this sad state of affairs, and you will now be asked to contribute to my Bill Relief Fund out of your own pocket. Oh wait. That only works for Wall Street and the Government. Ok, well I guess I'll pay for my mistakes myself.
Actually, I'm hoping each of you, when you need to ask a brief question you would normally text, will e-mail instead when possible. E-mail, you see, is free, and always up when I am at work, making it a significantly more affordable communication method than paying an additional $15/month for unlimited texts. You can thank Dave Ramsey for the inconveniance--he's putting me on the envelope system and apparently saving $15 today will help me live like no one else tomorrow.

Kindest Regards,
Sarah

Still broke...-en.

Apparently, being broke can lead to being broken. My mom responded to my "I'm broke" post a few days ago with a rather pointed e-mail. She said, "maybe here in lies the problem. You might be "way smarter and way more hard-working and way more skillful than this job", but you lack much humility."
Aw, gee, thanks mom!
The rest of her e-mail was equally pointed, but--my now infamous lack of humility makes me cringe to say--right. When I first got her e-mail, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, but I'm thankful I have at least one person in my life who will tell me like it is (well, I have six people, actually--two brothers, two sisters, and two parents!).

Perhaps for the above-mentioned reason, I've felt a little "off" lately. I've been faithful to (attempt to) seek Him, but in the midst of spiritual battle, these are the verses I cling to:

Psalm 23 The Lord is my Shepherd...

Romans 8 Oh, the **crazy** love of my Savior!

Petals

Flowers in general, and yellow roses in particular, touch a place deep inside me. In a world of flat, brown landscapes, row upon row of apartment housing complexes, and metal boxes on wheels racing back and forth, something as simply stunning as a rose takes my breath away. A flower is also beautiful for what it can speak to somebody. I led my college lifegroup in an outreach on their campus yesterday morning. We made about 200 rice krispie treats and packaged them with little cards that had a bible verse and information on our group's meeting time and place. We also had a few flowers to pass out to girls we thought might want them. To one girl, the flowers made something in her face light up like Christmas. Another girl got my number and sent me a text later, saying how grateful she was for the flowers. Sometimes, it's the smallest, softest, most vibrant petals that sometimes have the deepest impact.

I’m broke.

Here’s an excerpt from a recent Relevant article that caught my broke eye:

“Try the ‘100-Percent-Down Plan.’ Luke called me from Cleveland. He made really good money. His income at 23 years old was $50,000, and he married a young woman making $30,000. His grandfather had preached to him never to borrow money, so Luke and his new bride lived in a very small apartment over a rich lady’s garage. They paid only $250 a month for it. They lived on nothing, did nothing that cost money and they saved. Man, did they save! Making $80,000 in the household, they saved $50,000 a year for three years and paid cash for a $150,000 home. No payments! If you make $80,000 per year and don’t have any payments, you can become wealthy very quickly.”
-Dave Ramsey, personal money management expert and New York Times best-selling author (page 55 of the Jan/Feb 2009 Issue of Relevant)

Now, I don’t make anything like $80,000. In fact, that’s what frustrates me. I love the people I work with, and I mostly enjoy what I do, but (modesty aside), I’m way smarter and way more hard-working and way more skillful than this job.

What really unhinged me was this company here:

That was my idea. Now some other kid is making tons of money. On my idea. So, it’s not that I really want the house, or the $80,000. It’s just that I have more in me than this.

Starbucks

Last night, I went to go meet a friend at Starbucks. After an incredible weekend at World Mandate, I was determined that if two little Iranian women could march up to armed Muslim guards and give them a message of God's love, I could give the same message to the nations of my own city. I got to Starbucks a few minutes before my friend and tried to share Jesus with the girl behind the counter, but somehow the words wouldn’t come. I sat down with my drink and caught the eye of the woman packing up her stuff at the table next to mine. Something inside said Go For It! "Hi," I said, "how are you! Can I ask you a question?" I asked her if she knew Jesus. She looked a little stunned and said she was Catholic, so I said "that's great. Do you have a deep relationship with Jesus, like, do you really know Him?" She explained there were times in her life that she had known Jesus like that, but felt she was currently in a desert. I hope she felt the compassion in my voice. I've been in the desert, too, and it's hard. I told her that, and I also said, "I just want you to know that Jesus loves you, and He sees you where you are. He notices you, and He cares for you so, so much." There weren't just tears in her eyes when I finished--she was really crying. She said, "thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me."